Dear readersOver the years many people have written to me asking for advice on their sex life or lack thereof…including lack of libido, declining couple sex, erectile dysfunction issues in man, etc. These questions are common.

But specific, individualized sex advice shouldn’t always have “common” answers.

There are doctors who regularly take care of the personal affairs of patients. Additionally, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, sex therapists, professional couple counselors, etc. are also qualified to advise people on how to improve their specific issues regarding having and enjoying sex.

Given the demographics of a huge generation of aging baby boomers, I hear men and women – some in their 80s – writing to me that they still have/desire sex.

It’s part of human nature, and exploring its possibilities in a situation of trust and security is normal… but not an absolute necessity in everyone’s life.

So whether you’re eating natural herbal products, drinking more water daily, taking health food supplements, or an exercise/walking regimen, it’s what makes you feel fit, positive, and energized. for sex – or a new approach to medical science – my answer to sex-related queries is this:

If it improves your sexual pleasure, it is bound to improve your relationship with a partner you also have positive feelings for.

But, if it doesn’t work for you despite your wish, then consult/talk to a professional in the fields of physical health and mental health.

Reader’s CommentRegarding the “interesting future” of the relationship advice column now shared by Ellie and her daughter Lisi (announced May 30):

“As a daily avid reader of the Toronto Star’s online newspaper format, I stop by the Ellie column quite regularly on my way to the comics! When a topic appeals to me, I read it with interest.

“But being a 71-year-old man, I sometimes disagree with the sympathetic, logical and obviously professional advice being offered.

“Also, having been married for 47 years, retired for 16 and now living with two daughters in their thirties who have returned home, one with a move and the other with a breakup, I tick off many boxes of people submitting questions.

“We went from a quiet, pristine home of empty nests to a moderately chaotic, bustling collection of a solitary male drowning in a sea of ​​estrogen.

“I wish Ellie and Lisi the same happiness that my wife has now, working with her (our) two darlings.”

FEEDBACKRegarding the girlfriend who keeps brooding over her dating “problems” (June 21):

“Despite the reader’s initial error in thinking there was a male friend in the letter writer’s account, it was clear from your first article that it was two female friends talking.

“I remember it because I went through a similar situation with two girlfriends. One of them would talk “to me” for an hour on the phone about a problem, but the next time we spoke and I asked “how did such and such happen” she answered “Oh, I don’t want to talk about that.

“I finally had to drop her. I felt guilty, but it was for my own sanity.

“The other had long unresolved issues despite years of therapy, but was unwilling/unable to do the ‘work’ to get them out of his mind. She was placed in group therapy.

“I’m afraid I saw group therapy for her as a last resort for unresponsive clients.”

FEEDBACKRegarding the seemingly overwhelmed first-time mom (June 22):

Reader “Perhaps the baby’s father has little or no experience with postpartum depression and it scares him when his wife cries? His outbursts of anger don’t help.

Ellie’s tip of the day

If you want to improve your sex life, consider what is missing, seek professional information, and try to discuss/achieve positive changes within your relationship.

Ellie Tesher and Lisi Tesher are senior columnists for the Star and are based in Toronto. Email your relationship questions to:


Conversations are the opinions of our readers and are subject to the Code of conduct. The Star does not share these opinions.